While there are plenty of interesting things happening in my life at the moment, none of them are the sorts of things that I plan to be blogging about. I've also been very very busy, or at least very very lazy and haven't been doing any writing.
But apparently some people enjoy reading my writing (you guys are freaks! jk) so I thought I'd just post something short and a little bit old to keep you satisfied until I write something new.
This piece (it's called Chameleon Device) is probably about 2 years old now; I think I wrote it at school but really, who knows? My memory's not that good! The main background knowledge that you need is that "INH" stands for "Insert Name Here" i.e. INH is the name I'm using for the character in this story, who has no name yet.
The other thing that is important is that I think I may have been experimenting with the thesaurus when I wrote this, so please forgive me. (If that doesn't make much sense, just get on with reading it and I'm sure you'll understand. It full of exciting words like "dirigible".)
One last disclaimer: I actually kind of hate it. The first paragraph isn't bad, I guess, but the radio conversation is just ridiculous.
Just read it already, okay? :
The chameleon device on the pedal-chute was independent of that on the carrier ship, so INH flicked the switch to “on” the very second that her vehicle began to plummet from the open floor of the military dirigible. All military pedal-chutes were fitted with the chameleon device, a useful gadget that imitated the physiological phenomenon that made its reptilian namesake famous. When it was turned on, the vehicle was rendered virtually invisible, although it was detectable in other ways such as infrared cameras. INH pedalled a few times to unfurl the huge wings of her pedal-chute. They caught the wind and she began to coast gently to the earth below.
‘Pedal-chute 5, come in, over,’ crackled the radio.
She picked up the microphone, turned a few knobs and replied, ‘this is pedal-chute 5, launch successful, over.’
‘Pedal-chute 5, status report,’ it crackled again after a short pause.
‘Currently coasting on minimum pedals, ETA to ground ten minutes, over.’
‘All pedal-chutes, you have your instructions. Good luck. Over and out.’
‘Pedal-chute 5, come in, over,’ crackled the radio.
She picked up the microphone, turned a few knobs and replied, ‘this is pedal-chute 5, launch successful, over.’
‘Pedal-chute 5, status report,’ it crackled again after a short pause.
‘Currently coasting on minimum pedals, ETA to ground ten minutes, over.’
‘All pedal-chutes, you have your instructions. Good luck. Over and out.’
Hope you survived.
As always I appreciate any feedback - feel free just to comment with something completely random if you like, at least I'll know that you read the blog. (Obviously actual feedback is preferred.)
I promise I'll write something better for next time.
♥Nancy♫
5 comments:
WELL, I don't think there's much to really -say- about the writing. I mean ^^"
But I certainly agree that you should get back into writing some new, shiny Nanctastic stories~
Always so very entertaining to read ^_^
Perchance, there may be the Mystical Exploding Unicorn in the next tale?
Oooh!!! I like it! :) It's very steam punk....if ye know what I mean... except with pedals, not steam (huzzah for brains, Alana)
And I'm all for technobabble and thesaurus-use!
I can just picture the da Vinci flying machine in my head...with pedals, dropping out of the big ship thingy :D Yay! More! More! Steampunk sci-fi novel!! Yes please!
Alana
well, the writing was good, though the infrared camera bit was a little clumsy, i thought. I like the concepts though, it sounds very interesting
Also, @alana: anonymity fail :p
Luke
To be honest, I felt the story suffered from a classic case of telling, rather then showing.
"All military pedal-chutes were fitted with the chameleon device, a useful gadget that imitated the physiological phenomenon that made its reptilian namesake famous. When it was turned on, the vehicle was rendered virtually invisible, although it was detectable in other ways such as infrared cameras."
This basically just tells the reader what the device does, which is fine for a dictionary, but authors are meant to try and show the reader instead.
I tried to demonstrate it by re-writing your first paragraph.
INH looked to her right, and saw Jamesons' Pedal chute begin to blend with its surroundings. Activating her own chameleon device with the flip of a switch, she braced for the drop. A light in front of her went green and her vehicle began the plummet from the open floor of the military dirigible. INH pedalled a few times to unfurl the huge wings of her pedal-chute, they caught the wind and she began to coast gently to the earth below.
By showing it on another vehicle, you know what it does, and then by turning it on immediately the timing and name let the reader know what it is, and what it does, though not how it works.
I don't think I did a very good job of explaining it, so here's a link to a writing podcast that deals with the topic.
http://www.writingexcuses.com/2008/09/15/writing-excuses-episodes-32-talking-exposition-with-patrick-rothfuss/
Good Luck with your future writing, and sorry for the rant.
Word Verification:
Swomyog: An Inuit word for a seal-bone shovel. Commonly used to carve overnight sleeping areas while away from the camp hunting.
Thanks for your kind words on my blog =). It's fair enough that you think I'm insane, I probably am =P.
I'm tickled pink to see you're a writer as well ^^. If you're questioning whether you want to write more, I'd say wholeheartedly - yes, yes! =D
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